Tying the Knot in the Age of Marriage 2.0

So You Want to Get Married?

You are here because you are thinking about getting married, and one your friends did you a favor, and sent you here.  If you are going to be the higher-earner spouse in the marriage, then this article is for you. If you are going to be the lower-earner spouse in the marriage, then you don’t need to worry one little bit. The crazy divorce laws will simply accrue benefits to your column every passing day. You will be all set once your chump fiance signs the paperwork.

Taking the Plunge

Before you take the plunge there are a few things about marriage that you need to be aware of. The institution of marriage as we know it is no more. It has undergone drastic changes in the last 100 years. What used to be a life long commitment, unbreakable barring the most severe circumstances, has been re-legislated by our governments into a circus freak show whose only benefit seems to be for the financial gains of the family law industry, at your expense.

Marriage today is a temporary union of two individuals where the exit-costs are highly asymmetrical. What does that mean? It means that upon the dissolution of the marriage, one spouse generally makes off like a bandit, while the other is pushed into a life of unending poverty, abridged civil rights, and being two paychecks away from arrears, contempt, and prison.

If someone is made to suffer like that upon the divorce, he/she probably deserved it you say? Perhaps they were a terrible spouse? Perhaps they cheated? Perhaps they are the one who broke the marriage vows are ran off with someone else? If only that was the case. Karma has nothing to do with it. That was the case during the olden days of “fault-only divorce” when the spouse who was at fault for wrecking the marriage got penalized during the divorce. With those old divorces, if the at-fault party was the higher-earning spouse, they were made to pay alimony. If the at-fault party was the lower-earning/homemaker spouse, then they were made to forfeit any alimony. Morality was a big factor in who made out better and who made out worse. The goldmine and the shaft were used as the moral carrot and stick respectively.

Enter Marriage 2.0

 Today, with the advent of “no-fault divorce”, all that is out of the window. Basically the higher-earner spouse is made to pay, and the lower-earner spouse gets to receive. It doesn’t matter if the lower-earner spouse was the one cheating, or was the one breaking the marriage. Therein lies the problem with modern ”family” laws. You can be the best spouse in the world, take good care of your family, and stay true to your vows. You will still get shafted if you so happen to be the spouse that is making more money. Ever heard of “She got the mine, and I got the shaft”?

Higher-Earner Spouse Beware

During the nanny-state hysteria of the 20th century, legislators made some big blunders when re-legislating family laws, and hence redefining marriage. In fact laws governing marriage have been so mutated during that time that we can no longer call it “marriage” as it was known through the centuries. We have to distinguish this mutated institution with a new name. We will call it Marriage 2.0.

Here are some things working against you, when you are the primary breadwinner spouse within Marriage 2.0, and your spouse decides to “cash-out” on you:

1. No-Fault Divorce – This is also known as ”unilateral divorce”, with no recourse for other spouse. It doesn’t matter if you were the perfect husband, if your wife wants to run off with her boss, and cash-out on your marriage, she will. There is nothing you can do legally speaking to stop a divorce.

2. No-Fault Alimony – In many states, fault is no longer a factor in awarding alimony. So there are plenty of cases of “spouse-A cheats, spouse-B pays”. In what other area of contract law does the party breaking the contract gets paid, and the innocent party gets punished? Only in Marriage 2.0!

3. Gender Biased Divorce – 66-75% of all divorces are now filed by wives. This is based on CDC data.

4. Breadwinner Rarely Wins Custody – Custody is most often awarded to the lower-earner/stay-at-home-spouse in most state’s family courts. Basically this amounts to: Goodbye Daddy, hello ATM.

5. Unconstitutional DV Laws Misused to Gain Divorce Advantage - Presumed guilty until proven innocent DV laws are now widely used as the “opening chess move” of many divorces. Once the husband is removed from the primary residence he never comes back, and she gets the primary residence in the asset split; you have 27 minutes to leave the house after the initial phone call. Also known as the Federal VAWA Legislation, this new unconstitutional law has been fraudalently misused by divorcing spouses ever since it came out. There are no equivalent laws to protect men in abusive situations.

6. Decriminalization of Adultery - you can run a brothel and still get primary custody of the kids, plus alimony!

7. Children as Cashcows - The National Organization for Women (NOW) has been lobbying against Shared Parenting bills in many states. Why would NOW do that? What is more equal than shared parenting? The reason is that NOW is no longer about equality, but is about ”winning” a zero sum game for resources. Children are cash-cows, and NOW will be damned if they allow Shared Parenting to stop the cash-flow.

8. Lifetime Alimony – One NJ Appellate Court recently upheld a lifetime alimony sentenced rendered for barely an 8-year marriage. Their argument was that now in these days of short-term marriages being the norm, 8 years was pretty long, and as such probably deserved to be treated as a long-term marriage. Brilliant!

9. State Bias on Custody Agreements – States are enforcing payment-obligations by non-custodial parents with an iron fist, however they are completely ignoring the visitation rights of such parents. If you are going to police one parent’s obligation to pay, why not police the other parent’s obligation to allow the NCP (usually Dad) to see his kids?

10. One Sided Alimony: Ok so ex-spouse B got used to a certain standard of living, so we will make ex-spouse A pay alimony. Fine. But how about the things ex-spouse A got used to? Shouldn’t we have some sort of reverse payment by ex-spouse B in the form of weekly cleaning, a hot meal 7 nights a week, and “romantic companionship” services? How come one spouse is on the hook to provide something that the other was used to during the marriage, and not vice versa?

11. Paternity Fraud - If you missed the 2 year window to catch that your kids aren’t really your kids, you are out of luck in most states. What’s worse if your cheating wife divorces you, and you can bring the DNA tests to court, and you will still be forced to pay 18-23 years of child support for these kids who are some other guy’s spawn. In most fraud crimes, once the crime is proven, the guitly party gets punished. However in the topsy-turvey world of Family Courts, it is the innocent party that gets punished. Read this case of the Toronto man forced to pay child-support for twins that even the court acknowledged are not his.

Conclusion

Marriage 2.0 is a very unequal contract where the power-balance between the spouses both within the marriage and during/after the divorce is heavily biased by the laws against the higher-earner. Given that this is the legal reality as it stands today, why would you want to sign such a one-sided contract? Ask yourself now: “What is in it for me?”. If you can’t answer this question right away, then you owe it to yourself to think this through and learn more about the risks of marriage. The life you save, may be your very own.

A great place to start learning more is the Don’t Marry Blog. Also be sure to check out this essay explaning why Marriage=Fraud with the current incarnation of the family laws.